(This is really the first post of a new blog i’m spinning up- Life After Silence
Any subscribers to Spaced Explorations who wish to see what my next life’s adventures may entail, please pop on over and subscribe to https://lifeaftersilence.wordpress.com/ )
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In the long run, atemporal dreaming (aka ‘prophetic’) is not really all that practical. Because, like any family member or friend whom you see going down a bad road and no matter how you try to get it through their head that they are headed the wrong direction… well… YOU JUST CAN’T TELL YOURSELF ANYTHING.
My house killed me. I was a complete Zombie for nine months and struggled for years. (chemical sensitivities and) Mold illness is/are one of those ‘invisible diseases’ the Medical Establisment doesn’t even acknowledge. Kind of like chronic Lyme- and infact they often go together. I don’t *need* ticks for a building to kill me though. They *like* to do that. And fungi tend to mistake me for a tree.
I had to leave that poisonous structure. And a year and a half later, when senses too-long buried are waking up again- I realize I am not the person I was. As a magical/claimed Name and personage- Sandwalker I was. But the name has not ‘felt right’ for years. Sandwalker is dead. That house killed her. Buried her in the Swamp. I didnt’ know who I was. I know I’m someone different, now.
Forces Opposite but Equal: When a Chiron ruled person who knows enough of their Wound encounters their Poison Most Foul and says – no thanks i’d rather have my liver pecked out daily by an eagle- we aren’t kidding.
Uranus in the home-arena (i don’t recommend). Leads to unusual living circumstances- so done with ‘buildings kill me’ and hope i’ll never have to re learn THAT lesson- and onto ‘the latter half of my life in a home situation I could not imagine’ . . . It’s looking like taking shape as a ‘bedroom cabin’ of my own. A safe-house. YES. the Evil House is being fixed. Doesn’t hurt my kid anymore. And even if I can personally never go back- at least it’s going to be a fit place to store my husband and child.
Except I’ve not only *imagined* the place that’s in the plans to build me. I’ve seen it. I’ve been inside it. Years ago, in a dream. It’s not what I was hoping for currently (I wanted to try a cob structure for a change)- just another wooden building. BUT now we know how to properly build stuff and THAT SHOULD HELP.
Something I’ve learned recently:
When I am an Old Lady, I’m going to have to watch out for my time-traveling younger self coming snooping around! No wonder that character was always so tight-lipped- you can’t give anything away! I’ve also learned that i -my past self- may have been one of those ‘someone was there helping me don’t know who it was.’ in some of those occasional dark-years dreams i strove, but still yet failed, to really remember. One of the Unseen Allies.
Am I that old lady yet? I feel like I *better not* have to get another ‘next life’ before I actually ditch this body for good. So I hope I am! But ‘this me’ feels brand new- if I stay this way she has time to develop/mature into that old lady.
Also if ‘older me’ in the dreams has had white hair, well, it may just be to make the point she’s ‘older’. Everything in dreams shifts and is metaphorical- or sometimes too literal!
I don’t have dreams like that anymore BTW.
It’s ok. I still have all the old ones captured, so I have plenty sci-fi short story materials!
I also noted a good deal of other, accurate-enough, future observations from back-in-the-nonlinear-time-dreaming days, while searching for the ‘wise woman dreams’. Such as porches on the original (killer) house and the number of apple trees in the orchard (different than the years in which i dreamed, but became so). Smooth hardwood floors on the entirety of the original house- no, we’re not there yet but husband is talking about it. And also the size and exact layout of this now being planned cabin. The location on the farm, spatially, confused me while i was in the dream, and for a number of years after. Now i note that it was, where i want to put it now. Although i think i’m going to change the position of the door.
And the way-to this cabin and future self.
The Path is Paved in Rot. I ignored this as Sandwalker. It occurred in a number of the dream encounters with this future-self entity, but it was not something I thought I had to ‘figure out’… I thought I already knew. But I didnt know that ‘mold’ does not always come with ‘the smell of mold’ so I really didn’t know the original (killer) house was like this -even from the very beginning probably, cause when people build their first house, they don’t always know what they are doing. (So many mistakes. Some honest and some are just embarrassing/shameful.)
But from the perspective of now, on the other side of that rift… Looking back at the series of dreams in which i’m looking for her, yes. There are signals everywhere- from the literal path to the cabin being a disintegrating-rotten boardwalk, to times when I must not have traveled far enough into the future, and I found her melded to the roots of a mangrove swamp; prone, grown-in, un responsive. I must have tried to access the Zombie-years on that one. There seems no way to tell *where* on one’s timeline one is, inside those non linear dreams! For that night, I re-adjusted and found her in the next dream on the sand, animated, cooking, happy. And, even though i was unknowing of this one rather insignificant passing dream when i was, infact, grown-in, that is exactly how i described myself during the bad years. Buried under swamp.
In this series of pursuit-dreams, had some 12-14 years ago, I did get a name. And recently, in shamanic experiences of returning length/intensity enough to say I’m having them- I was called that name. (Which is what made me go tracking that series of dreams to begin with.)
The first time, it did not sit well- it was uncomfortable to wear that name and it got sprung on me rather un expectedly- ‘Shit Comet i don’t know about all that!’- as time passes, it’s getting a wee bit comfier to hear. But when I took the name Sandwalker, -even though i felt it fit the very moment I received it- I still waited a full year before officially claiming it. Made sure i wouldn’t just move on from it quickly. Tested it online to see how it fit during that year.
Not sure how long i’ll wait now, before I take up a new name I’ve known for so long, yet have never said aloud.
Spaced Explorations 